If I had a million dollars…

If I had a million dollars…I would have a million dollars.

Sure I’d be happy. On the first day of winning/inheriting/stealing/coincidentally acquiring said million dollars, I would go straight to the bank, cash that bloody check (assuming it came as a check and not in a white powdered briefcase), go back home and roll around in it. Then I’d take a shower…in money!

I never fully understood its significance until I went to university and had to actually pay for shit. Tuition, books, travel costs…and as the years go by I have slowly become a tight fisted, anal retentive, stingy, cheap-ass who has actually contemplated having a secret night job in the streets of downtown Hamilton. I also frequently sign up for Psychology experiments around campus for some extra lunch money…too much info?

Money is a fucker; it toys with your soul:

Money: “Oh you want this dress?”

Me: “Yes!”

Money: “Okay…but you won’t have enough money to buy your school books.”

Me: “I do though! Just enough.”

Money: “No. You will never have ‘just enough’. ‘Just enough’ is reserved for the middle class.”

Me: “…”

Money: “You’re also fat, ugly and you eat poo.”

Me: “I don’t eat–”

Money: “The dress will never fit you.”

But when I think about it, IF I really did have a million dollars, I would go on with life as it is.

There are only two things I want to accomplish by having more money than I do now:

1) Pay my parents back for everything
2) More school!

Other than that…just having a shitload of money would be great, just so I don’t have to worry about anything!

What I wouldn’t give to be ballin’…